Meat sweats

Me: “On a scale of 1-10 how hungry are you?”

SPC Moser: “Oh I could definitely eat”

Me: “How about you?”

SGT Francis: “Yeah… I’m pretty hungry”

Me: “You?”

LT Fleming: “Yeah we might wanna get some food first”

Me: “Okay cool… I think I know of an all you can eat BBQ place nearby that someone mentioned that could be worth a try.”

The Gang Agrees On A Decision That Sounded Like A Good Decision At The Time.

When we arrived, we were so deeply out of our element. What’s this?! What’s that?! Is this supposed to be edible?? What do you think this translates to?? Oh god… Is this pork?... Is this steak? This looks like chicken?

Let’s just go ask the hostess to see if she can orient us. 

She cannot. 

Okay… this guy looks like he’s successfully eating here and looks American.

Me: “Hey guy… I know you don’t know me, but you look like you’re doing something right. Can you tell me which meat is what and what the basic etiquette and expectation is?”

Guy: “Uh… Yeah man, so you have your meat, you have your vegetables, if it’s not a vegetable it’s a meat”

Me: “Okay so I’m going to need a little more than that.. What kinda meat are we looking at here?”

Guy: “Oh it’s mostly all pork… some chicken here and there”

Me: “Okay cool, thanks”

So that’s when I decided to grab some meat for all of us and return to the table to tell the team what I had found out. When I returned, I noticed everyone had large slabs of raw pork on their plates. I then understood that each one of us had grabbed enough pork to feed the table. And then I wondered to myself… Is this like the very specific sushi place I used to eat at in Charlotte, NC where they had very cheap sushi but if you left any behind, they charged you a fortune per piece?

Yes. 

It was just like that.

Fact: At that time we had 4x the amount of meat that we needed to consume. 

Just when this information came to light we were presented with a new problem. SGT Francis doesn’t eat pork and he thought this was beef. So now three very normal sized people had to consume 533% (over 5x… yes I did the math) what they normally would in pork. So… we’re currently looking at a metric booty ton of meat that we can’t take back because it’s now contaminated. If we don’t eat it all, we pay an exorbitant amount of money for the genocide of a small village of pigs… Now I know what you’re probably thinking… but let me address it by saying public restrooms aren’t easily accessible in this restaurant, and we’re right next to the hostess stand. Options became very limited, very quickly. 

The table grew quiet…

For two reasons—one because we didn’t know how we were ever going to financially recover from this situation, and two because we knew we were about to get the meat sweats.

WE ATE LIKE KINGS!!!!

For like 10 minutes, maybe. It turns out pleasure can become torture.

“Pleasure, in excess or in the wrong context, can easily transform into torture. What begins as a source of joy or satisfaction can become overwhelming, addictive, or even painful when boundaries are ignored or control is lost. For example, indulgence in rich food can shift from a delightful experience to physical discomfort or long-term health consequences if taken too far. Emotional pleasure, such as love or admiration, can twist into obsession, jealousy, or dependency when not tempered by mutual respect and balance. Even physical sensations that are initially pleasurable can become intolerable if prolonged beyond comfort, as seen in certain psychological or sensory experiments. Ultimately, when pleasure detaches from moderation, consent, or meaning, it can betray its original purpose and become a source of suffering—highlighting the fragile line between delight and distress.”

(ChatGPT et al., 2025)

The Moment of Submission

Me: “I wish I had brought my gallon ziploc bag that I always bring with me everywhere except this one time.”

LT Fleming: “What..?

Me: “Yeah it’s a good little tool to have for no reason, for very specific situations such as this one”

My eyes met those at the table…

“Give me 25 of those tiny napkins. We’re doing this.”

I can’t be sure, but I believe there was heavy techno music that sounded like it could’ve been in a ‘Mission Impossible’ movie pulsing in the background. Ungodly amounts of pork was hastily wrapped in toddler sized napkins. SGT Francis kept an eye on the hostess. The meat sweats started. We were focused. Fluid. Moving. Thinking as one. A real unit of efficiency. Everyone knew their job and no one talked… we didn’t have to. 

We were all thinking the same thing—

this could work. 

And that’s how I ended up with a backpack full of meat walking around in downtown Jihaeng, South Korea.